no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
