I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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