Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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