who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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