dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
