I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
