I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
