I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
