Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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