I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
