Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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