i jhust puked up my retainher.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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