if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
