did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
