Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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