I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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