this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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