I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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