i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
