So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
