chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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