3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
