rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
