I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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