NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
