From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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