He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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