You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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