I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You can't special order awesome
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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