I think i sorta joined a cult last night
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
