Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
