Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
