he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
