how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
