That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
