I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
