All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
