You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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