The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
