Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
