I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
