I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
