I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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