Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
