Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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