sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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