My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
