She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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