stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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