Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
