He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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