My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
