I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
